Its Ok not to be Ok

[Paulstag]

Even without getting into the specifics of whether this thread is Stags related it should be left to survive on its own not be artificially resurrected every few days by contributors "bumping" it into life.

I think the kindness offered by this thread, where strangers reach out to each other offering support makes the world a little bit of better place.

This thread is the most deserving of a 'bump' from time to time. Especially if helps someone in any way, surely?

I totally agree AWC if it only helps one person in a year then it’s brilliant. It can take a lot for people to open up and if this one thread is the outlet someone needs it’s great. I know far more usernames than I can put a face to here but Stagsnet is its own community and people clearly feel comfortable opening up and sharing information on here and that can only be a good thing.

I’d actually like to share something. My mental health has been a struggle for over a decade now and I was actually going through a relatively calm period earlier this year, I started a new job that I was really enjoying and everything was good then my physical health started to cause me problems. I’ve been diagnosed with bowel cancer and I’m due for surgery next week. The good news is they are aiming for a cure and believe they can remove all the tumour. My anxiety levels are understandable creeping up as the day of the operation draws closer but I’ve actually been relatively calm about the whole thing so far. The only reason I share this is because I’ve actually found it much easier to process this news than I ever have to wrap my head around my mental health struggles. That’s not to say that I’m belittling or trivialising cancer, of course I’m not but as I’m in the hands of others to fix me I’ve found that much easier than having to try and fix myself mentally. I should also add that I feel lucky that’s is been caught early enough and the care I’ve received has been first class. A friend said to me perhaps my mental health struggles have actually helped me become more resilient in dealing with this news and I really liked that perspective and learning to reassess your situation and looking for alternative perspectives is something I’ve come to find really useful over the last few years. It’s also learnt me to take nothing for granted.

Tomorrow will be my last home game for a little while as I’ll be out of action for a few weeks post surgery and I hate missing home games (probably missed around half a dozen in 34 years)but I’ll have Martin and Dean to keep me company on Ifollow and I’m already looking forward to my first game back.

Up the Stags.

Thinking of you today buddy and hope your operation went well.

[ParisStag]

Hope the op was a success and you're on the mend.

[Showaddywaddy]

My surgery went well and despite a few little scares along the way I am recovering well and actually got home on Tuesday night. Managed to listen to a bit of the Crawley game on Saturday (got to say though following a commentary whilst off my noggin on fentanyl was a bit challenging).

Thank you to everyone for the well wishes, really appreciate it. Just to link it back to the topic of mental health, if you are worried about a physical condition you might have then talking about it is so important for your mental health, the worry can be taken aware by sharing. With my condition I would say to anyone who notices a change when going to the toilet to get checked out, it’s a bit grim but it’s much better than worrying and it could just save your life.

Whilst no two stories are the same there are people who have shared similar experiences and they can be honest with you and be a great source of information and reassurance. There’s a lot of very kind people out there.

I hope everyone reading this is ok at the moment and remember this thread is there should you want to share anything.

Craig

[PEAR CIDER]

Great news Craig, hope to see you at game soon for a chin wag. x

[Paulstag]

Great news Craig, will catch up soon.

[Rob]

My surgery went well and despite a few little scares along the way I am recovering well and actually got home on Tuesday night. Managed to listen to a bit of the Crawley game on Saturday (got to say though following a commentary whilst off my noggin on fentanyl was a bit challenging).

Thank you to everyone for the well wishes, really appreciate it. Just to link it back to the topic of mental health, if you are worried about a physical condition you might have then talking about it is so important for your mental health, the worry can be taken aware by sharing. With my condition I would say to anyone who notices a change when going to the toilet to get checked out, it’s a bit grim but it’s much better than worrying and it could just save your life.

Whilst no two stories are the same there are people who have shared similar experiences and they can be honest with you and be a great source of information and reassurance. There’s a lot of very kind people out there.

I hope everyone reading this is ok at the moment and remember this thread is there should you want to share anything.

Craig

All the best with your recovery Craig.

I did a bit of volunteering for the Big White Wall (now called Togetherall) a few years ago, it's a great resource for those struggling and people I know who have used it have found it hugely beneficial.

[Paulstag]

Hope everyone is ok and coping over the Xmas period.

[AmericanStag]

I think its fantastic to have a thread such as this. Christmas is never an easy time for me due to past trauma in my life, but happy to say that it is getting a bit easier each and every year. Here if anyone ever wants to talk; a lot of times thats the best thing to do, rather than just holding stuff in.

[Amber Andy]

Thank you for the update Showaddywaddy. It's good to hear your recovery is going well. I hope it continues to be so.

Also, nice to have you on board American Stag, I look forward to reading your contributions.

[lifestags]

Really random one, has anyone ever had grievance counselling or know anyone that has? My doctor has recommended it for me but I’m really unsure.

[georgefostersbeard]

I do, a friend in London had it a few years after his parents died and it helped him massively. It has a profound and positive impact on his and his family's life

[lifestags]

I do, a friend in London had it a few years after his parents died and it helped him massively. It has a profound and positive impact on his and his family's life

Thank you, me and my partner lost our baby during pregnancy earlier in the year, I have just been struggling with it more over Xmas so hopefully it helps.

[cassellswasmagic]

I do, a friend in London had it a few years after his parents died and it helped him massively. It has a profound and positive impact on his and his family's life

Thank you, me and my partner lost our baby during pregnancy earlier in the year, I have just been struggling with it more over Xmas so hopefully it helps.

So sorry to hear of your loss. Not sure on the spelling but my missus trained years ago with Cruse (think that’s right) bereavement. Hope this helps.

[georgefostersbeard]

I am so sorry to hear that, there are some wonderful charities supporting parents who have been through what you have suffered and i would strongly recommend getting as much support for the two of you as possible. Sadly you will find that this is something that affects and has affected so many couples. You have to trust that you will get through it and be able to move forward

[garlic]

I do, a friend in London had it a few years after his parents died and it helped him massively. It has a profound and positive impact on his and his family's life

Thank you, me and my partner lost our baby during pregnancy earlier in the year, I have just been struggling with it more over Xmas so hopefully it helps.

So sorry to hear of your loss. Not sure on the spelling but my missus trained years ago with Cruse (think that’s right) bereavement. Hope this helps.

I also have a relative who works for Cruse, would highly recommend it, but grieving is incredibly personal.

[Showaddywaddy]

I do, a friend in London had it a few years after his parents died and it helped him massively. It has a profound and positive impact on his and his family's life

Thank you, me and my partner lost our baby during pregnancy earlier in the year, I have just been struggling with it more over Xmas so hopefully it helps.

Really sorry to read this mate. It looks like you’ve got some really positive feedback on here and I hope you find the support that can help you. Take care mate.

[Rob]

I do, a friend in London had it a few years after his parents died and it helped him massively. It has a profound and positive impact on his and his family's life

Thank you, me and my partner lost our baby during pregnancy earlier in the year, I have just been struggling with it more over Xmas so hopefully it helps.

So sorry to hear of your loss. Not sure on the spelling but my missus trained years ago with Cruse (think that’s right) bereavement. Hope this helps.

Yes Cruse are very good, I also did some training with them through my old employer as part of my role as a notification officer. I definitely would recommend them.

[cassellswasmagic]

I do, a friend in London had it a few years after his parents died and it helped him massively. It has a profound and positive impact on his and his family's life

Thank you, me and my partner lost our baby during pregnancy earlier in the year, I have just been struggling with it more over Xmas so hopefully it helps.

So sorry to hear of your loss. Not sure on the spelling but my missus trained years ago with Cruse (think that’s right) bereavement. Hope this helps.

Yes Cruse are very good, I also did some training with them through my old employer as part of my role as a notification officer. I definitely would recommend them.

That’s good Rob. I wasn’t sure they were still going.

[PEAR CIDER]

Really random one, has anyone ever had grievance counselling or know anyone that has? My doctor has recommended it for me but I’m really unsure.

Love you Dan x

[Stoney]

Really random one, has anyone ever had grievance counselling or know anyone that has? My doctor has recommended it for me but I’m really unsure.

Really sorry to hear about your loss mate.

Counselling isn't for everyone. I've referred plenty of people in for counselling at work, it's worked for some and others didn't like it. It's worth a try, if it isn't for you then there's no harm done. Opening up will help more than you realise.

I suffered really badly with grief in 2021 and was in a real mess. My grandad died and then 10 days later my mam died. The real pain for me came at night when I was alone in my thoughts and I ended up not being able to sleep because I dreamt my mum was still alive and then woke up with the painful realisation she was dead and it was killing me. I ended up on mirtazapine which is an anti depressant which helped me sleep. Eventually I came off tablets but they really helped me through my grief.

I think what I'm trying to say is it's horses for courses; counselling will help some people, medication may be needed for others and others may just be happy dealing with it by speaking to friends and family.

Just don't ever bottle up that pain, talk to whoever you're comfortable with and if you need to shed a tear, have a bloody good cry!

[lifestags]

Thanks for all the replies guys, really has helped, happy new year to you all.

[STAGS FOR LIFE]

[Johnny Rotten]

Forget Blue Monday - Try "Brew Monday"

Monday 15th January 2024

The Samaritans are encouraging people to turn to loved ones as Blue Monday looms with their Brew Monday initiative.

Returning to work following the break over December can understandably prove to be a challenge and prompt a bout of the January blues – with cold rainy weather and the feeling of a “winter funk”.

This culminates with the “most depressing day of the year”, known as Blue Monday, said to be the third Monday in January - when the festivities are long gone, and payday still seems a while away.

[georgefostersbeard]

Just wishing everyone the best on Blue Monday, saw great advice from the Samaritans to reach out to friends for a cup of tea or a chat over this week

[manssmooth]

Just wishing everyone the best on Blue Monday, saw great advice from the Samaritans to reach out to friends for a cup of tea or a chat over this week